This one celebrates two of my dearest loves – Back to the Future, and Calvin & Hobbes. Both sustained me when I was a kid – although I still wonder sometimes about Doc and Marty.
In this sendoff, arguably better than those pissing decals (feel free to customize one and send it to a crush. Or your boss.), Calvinized Doc and Marty let everyone know you’re still in touch with what matters. In other words – Date Bait. Enjoy.
Hulk Hogan. Wilford Brimley. Gandhi. That handsome bastard Tom Selleck. What do they have in common? A Lip Bush that separates the boys from the men. And if there’s one way that a Mustache levels up, it’s by throwing a double-fist Shaka Bra.
If there’s one way to remind someone they need to stop tripping, it’s the ultimate in Island hand gestures from America’s Jamaica – Hawaii. Home of, most notably, Dog the Bounty Hunter.
Take a page out of Magnum’s book – don’t trip.
Here’s one for all you Anglophiles out there. (I’m really hoping you read that in Casey Kasem’s voice. Sidebar – Casey Kasem’s still kicking around. I hope I sound that sultry when I’m nearly 90.)
It’s Brit Skull – and it makes a perfect belated Boxing Day gift for any Harry Potter fan that’s be-bopping around your world.
Now, I know that not all of us can pull off the look of these young inked bruisers, but flying the Union Jack on a skull that stretches your torso will certainly send Her Majesty a message from her cousins across the pond.
And since I like you, and you probably don’t like currency conversion, 20 British sterlings is about 30 of our American dollars. Not bad, Sinstar.
There’s really no two ways about it, the amish are pretty tough folk. They raise a barn like a mug, and they’ve been satirized by the king. But even more impressive is that they’ve never heard of the Kardashians. And that, I respect.
In the grand tradition of Amish defiance – and because I hope to channel some of their awesome beard-growing mojo – I’m going to fight the power. Answer the call of the Mennonite Madmen, my peers.
Join your Amish brethren – and Chuck D. Fight the power.
$19.97 | URL Mens Womens | Paypal Credit | M: S – 2XL, F: S – 2XL
Now that the holidays are (for the most part) blissfully over, ‘tis the season to treat myself to a piece of urban flair. After all, I’ve braved the storm. I’ve wrapped up family time without having a National Lampoon meltdown.
And what better way to reward myself for the sanity-bending time with the fam’ than to Deck the Abs with some boughs of badass. Mario’s back. But let’s be real, he never really left. Join me in my new tradition – MeMas. It’s kind of like XMas, but it’s for you. Treat yourself, sweetheart. You’ve earned it.
But look alive, kids. This bad boy’s priced to move. It’s on sale right now, but who knows how much longer that’s going to be. So I say in the spirit of MeMas – this is gonna look bitchin.
Update: They are selling out of this one fast! Only small sizes left. I’ll have to look for another MeMas gift. :’(
I remember when my granddad used to offer me a twenty-dollar bill. When I went to grab it, he’d yank it out of reach like that succubus from Peanuts and cry “When pigs fly!” Well, screw you old man. I’ve got my own twenty dollars now, and I spent it to toss in the face of you and your flighted-porcine doubting crowd.
It’s called heavier-than-air flight, gramps. It was probably called “witchcraft” when you were coming up, but now we just call it science.
Next time I see my granddad, I’m going to show him my shirt. And take my twenty dollars.
When Kevin Bacon was taking guff from this shitkicker, did he sit there and just take it? No. Not only did he completely destroy him in tractor chicken, he did exactly what a townie’s t-shirt told him. He danced his ass off.
My recommendation? Be like the bacon. Don’t take no guff. And let everyone know what you think. And if that doesn’t work? Start a poor man’s Oasis with your brother. I was going to include a Bacon Brothers clip here, but thought better of it. You’re all welcome.
People may not always like dealing with the police – but you can bet things would be pretty tense if you had this silverback knocking his baton on your door. Let’s celebrate freedom from our simian brothers with this cool, and kind of frightening, shirt from fiftyseven-thirtythree.
Although if there were some sort of Island of Dr. Moreau for civil servants, it might be nice for them to make DMV gorillas or meter maid gorillas. The whole poo-flinging thing may actually be an attitude improvement for them.
$30 | URL | Paypal, Credit | M: S – XXL
When E.T. phoned home the first time, he had to make do with a busted milk crate and a ten-speed. But the next time he needs a ride, he can just phone Dial-A-Butler and catch a ride on a sassy old-style big wheel. In round two, he’s going to get serious about the image he projects on the moon.
Because this time around, E.T.’s not going out like some punk. He’s going out in style. He’s going to let all those G-men on his case know which end is up. That’s right, coppers – straight from E.T. to you.
$24 | URL | Paypal, Credit | M: S – 3XL
I’m pretty into bowling. It’s one of the only sports you can play between bites of chicken wings – which means it should be in the Olympics. But until the International Olympic Committee hears the call of the people, I’ll lobby for the game of kings with the Bowling is for Lovers shirt from No Star.
That’s right, ladies. I’m a lover and a bowler. I’m a ten-pin two-stepper, and I don’t care who knows it. And for my bold brothers and sisters who aren’t afraid to let their shammy flag fly, wear your colors with pride. We’re bowlers. And we get it.
Oh, and for the true-blues, you’re welcome.
$24 | URL | Paypal, Credit | M: S – L
